Discuss what couples do to prepare well for marriage Essays

Discuss what couples do to prepare well for marriage Essays Discuss what couples do to prepare well for marriage Essay Discuss what couples do to prepare well for marriage Essay With the present divorce rates in our society, it has become a necessity for couples to prepare for marriage. However, before being able to start the process of consciously preparing for marriage, couples must first decide to get married. Thus, most marriage preparation seminars, workshops and books are directed towards couples who are engaged. On the other hand, Rice (p.118) contends that preparing for marriage should not commence during the engagement period but it should be a continuous process. Marriage is defined as the process whereby a particular man and woman ceremoniously begin and generally maintain a mutual relationship suitable for the purpose of founding and sustaining a family (Hoult et.al, p30). With this definition, it is clear that marriage is a partnership and the ultimate goal is building a family, at present there are several forms of the family and having children is not a requirement. Thus preparing for marriage should entail that couples begin the process of ac quiring and developing skills that would help them successfully adjust to married life. In preparing for marriage couples must work on how they communicate with each other, how to handle issues and differences, be able to accept change, learn to accept in-laws, discuss plans and goals about children, keep positive values about marriage, make the marriage intimate and deal with past issues and conflicts. Marriage is not only a union of two separate individuals but is also a social event, thus a preparation for marriage should consider the needs of the couple and their relationship with each other, and their relationship with family members, friends and society in general. Positive communication is the most basic requirement of a happy marriage, in communicating, the couple must focus on their relationship with each other, and how they communicate their thoughts, feelings, desire and needs. Couples must therefore learn to communicate honestly and not being judgmental of each other, in doing so, it would build the couples confidence to talk and share problems, joys and dreams. Being able to deal effectively with differences and personal issues together is a good way of preparing the couple to face greater problems and challenges when they get married. Before entering into marriage it is advisable though that couples are able to resolve their differences or at least reach compromise. Ma rriage would entail change in each of the couple’s lifestyles and they may have different ideals about marriage and family life, hence it is important that couples realize that when they get married a lot of things in their lives will change. Sine marrying someone is also an act of marrying into a family, it is important that couples learn to accept their in-laws, because reality is they will be a major influence in a marriage. Sometimes, conflict with in-laws is the cause for marital unhappiness, and to prepare for a happy marriage, couples must deal with their relationships with the in-laws. Â  Recently, it has been said that the family is becoming extinct and that most marriages end up in divorce, having negative values about marriage will not help a couple who is preparing for marriage. Thus couples must believe in marriage and in the family, holding positive values of marriage will inspire couples to strive to make the marriage work. In our society, having children is not easy, thus couples who want to get married must first deal with their plans for children, when to have children, saving money for children, or even postponing having children until the couple is financially stable. Getting this out in the open before the marriage rites would help the couple plan for their future together. And couples must also learn and continue becoming intimate with each other even after the wedding. Being intimate means that they do not lose the sparks and the passion between them, once married it is easy to lose sight of each other’s needs and emotions, thus couples must make a conscious effort to remain intimate throughout their marriage. And finally, before getting married, couples must settle each other’s past issues. It may be an old affair, a family responsibility or psychological conditions. It is difficult to live and start a new life with someone who carries a lot of emotional baggage, and being able to know how to negotiate and act around it would help the couple have a happy marriage. Discuss why people regret their choice of mate. One of the main reason people get married is that they have needs they seek to satisfy (Maslow, p.191). Thus when selecting a mate, people often try to look for the qualities of the other person that would fulfill their needs. And based on this assumption, it can be said that the very reasons people regret their choice of mate are the reasons they used to choose a mate. Most people have the need for love, for companionship and intimacy, for sexual satisfaction and fulfillment, need for children, for emotional security, for status, esteem, recognition and acceptance, the need for financial security and money. All of this may needs may be present but at varying degrees since people have different priorities. Obviously, just because a person gets married does not mean that these needs are automatically met, others may not even meet half of it, but what is important is that both partners are mutually happy and content with how they fulfill each others needs. Regret over the decision of c hoosing a mate comes when this needs are not fulfilled and the husband and wife feel discontent, unhappy and frustrated with their partners. In our society, one of the most important reasons why people in our culture get married is to love and be loved, but this idea of love is highly romantic and after the initial passionate, intense and exciting feeling comes disillusionment. Thus, when a partner realizes that the romance has waned, he/she thinks that love has flown and will be stuck to a monotonous and boring life together. For some people, what is most important in selecting a mate is companionship and intimacy. Erikson (p.18) says that the achievement of intimacy is one of the major goals during young adulthood and being able to maintain a close interpersonal relationship with a special someone. Thus, when this relationship fails and each partner is alienated from each other, they begin to question why did they choose that person to be with. Sometimes, selecting a mate is based on sexual satisfaction and fulfillment, and over time, sex may not be as good as it was before and the partner becomes frustrated and unhappy . Having children is a difficult subject for most couples, and if the couple does not agree on it, then unhappiness and regret may be in the offing. People also choose a mate because of the need for emotional security, those with feelings of inadequacy or insecurities want someone who they believe will give then the assurance of their self-worth. But as we know, this kind of relationship is doomed to failure, the emotionally weak partner may become overly dependent on the partner and the partner may also tire of the situation and become frustrated. Practical people often select mates who will increase their status, esteem, recognition and acceptance. Thus when the chosen mate fails to satisfy all of this, the partner may have regrets over his/her choice and think that there would have been more suitable mates for them. At this age, there are still those who choose a mate because of his/her financial security and money. As long as the partner has this social standing, the relationship is all right, but if the financial security or the money is gone, then the partner regrets his/her choice and would eventually leave the mate. Â  Another reason for regret of mate selection is incompatibility, it has been said that opposites attract, but just how long the attraction will last is debatable. Studies have shown that incompatibility is one of the major reasons for marital unhappiness. When a couple does not share the same values and principles, they will always be at odds with each other and thus may become extremely unhappy and discontent. From the discussion, it can be deduced that when an individual chooses a mate based on criteria that are unrealistic, unimportant, and superficial, then the chosen mate would never be able to stand up to all those expectations and when the mate fails to meet this requirements, the partner becomes frustrated, disillusioned and unhappy and regretful.